The Myth of Moderation

Stay Out of My Comfort Zone

Every so often I preach a series called Stay Out of My Comfort Zone. The title is a joke, because my goal is the opposite. I want to be in your comfort zone the whole time: coaching, encouraging and nudging you to make a plan to grow.

I preached this one the first Sunday of a new year, but it isn’t really about January. It’s about any fresh start: a birthday, a new job, a hard season you’re ready to put behind you, or just a Monday. It’s about four areas of your life: your relationships, your money, your body and your walk with God. Really, all four live under that last one.

Here’s what I want for you. A year from now, I want you to look back and say, That was the year I grew. I barely recognize myself. God did so much in me and in my relationships that I can’t believe it.

That doesn’t happen by accident.

Moderately Good at Everything

Let me start by challenging a way of thinking I’d love to get rid of. You could argue with me on this, and you might win. But I have the microphone, so I go first.

It’s the myth of moderation.

Nobody wants to be moderately passionate, moderately effective or moderately useful at the things that matter most.

We have an emergency room doctor in our church. Imagine his goal for the year was to be moderately effective. Fifty-one percent of his patients get good care, and the other 49 percent, well, we can let that go. You wouldn’t want to see that doctor.

Imagine your accountant said, “This year, I just want to be moderate. I’ll get most of your numbers right. The IRS probably won’t look.” You’d find a new accountant.

Now imagine a husband who says, “This year, I want to be a moderately good husband. I don’t want to go nuts. I need some me-time. If I get it right most of the time, that’ll be okay.” You’d question his heart.

But in some of the most important areas of life, we say, “Everything’s fine in moderation.” I disagree, for two reasons.

First, the world has a current. Paul writes:

I picture that pattern like a current running through this world. You’re born into it. It pulls you away from the person God wants you to be and toward a person you never meant to become. If all you’re doing is trying to stay the same, you’re treading water while the current carries you downstream. And most of us don’t even notice.

Second, life is going to get you. Even if you’re moderately taking care of yourself, you’re getting older every single day. It’s going to catch you, and faster, unless you do something intentional to push back the walker.

“Pump the brakes, Pastor. I want to grow spiritually this year, but in moderation.” If that’s what you want, you’re not wanting what God wants. He wants to set you free and do something amazing in your life. You may have to sell out to him. It might make you a little uncomfortable. But what good thing ever happens without a little discomfort, a little prioritizing and a little discipline?

A Short Letter About a Big Idea

The apostle Paul wrote a short letter called 2 Thessalonians. A few months earlier he had written 1 Thessalonians to the same church. Since then, false teachers had been telling them Jesus had already come back, they’d missed it and everything they’d believed was a lie.

So Paul wrote again, and his message was simple. Hold the course. Jesus loves you, and he’s coming back. When hard times come, don’t waver. Double down and trust the Lord. And don’t be lazy. Be disciplined, have a plan and live on purpose (2 Thessalonians 3:6–13).

Near the beginning of that letter, Paul lets them in on how he prays for them. It’s not really a prayer. It’s Paul showing his heart. And packed into two verses is what I call a theology of resolution:

Do you set resolutions? Every year I ask our church, and every year it divides the room. Maybe you call them goals or life decisions instead. Call them whatever you want. I’m going to try to persuade you from Scripture to make some.

Because here’s the promise hiding in these two verses: when your goals are the right ones, and you go after them the right way, God himself gives you the power to follow through.

Four Things Paul Prays

1. The right desires. Paul prays that God will bring to fruition “your every desire for goodness.” Some translations say “every resolve for good.” So ask yourself: What do I want in my life this year? And more importantly, why do I want it?

The why behind the what exposes the heart behind the issue.

If your goal is to be more comfortable, to look better to other people or to win, you’re probably headed down the wrong path. If it benefits only you, with no concern for others or for God, you’re on your own. And by some counts, about 80 percent of people who set resolutions give up within a few weeks. Not because they had to fail. Maybe they picked the wrong goals. Or maybe the goals were right, but the motive was wrong.

You might be thinking, What are you selling? I bet you wrote a book, and for 25 bucks I can learn to always succeed. No. It’s free. But it does cost your buy-in. You have to believe, not just in God, but believe God.

2. Done by faith. Paul prays for “your every deed prompted by faith.” Once you’ve picked good goals, you go after them as a person of faith, trusting that where you fall short, God will provide. Growing your life is a spiritual project.

3. In God’s power. Here’s why so many people fail. They set the goal. Maybe the motive is a little off. They try to white-knuckle it on willpower, and you know how that ends. So do I.

But Paul prays that “by his power” God will bring it to fruition, meaning he’ll complete it. Most people get to a few weeks in and find that nothing came to fruition. It came to frustration. They quit, they feel like failures and they don’t want to try again. Paul says God supplies the power to finish the good things he wants in your life.

4. For Jesus’ glory. How do you know your goals are the right ones? Paul tells us: “so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him.” As you grow, as you get more disciplined, as you rely on God’s power, he makes you more like Jesus. Jesus is honored, and your life becomes useful.

“Wait. I thought resolutions were about me.” Those are the ones people quit. That’s why the gym is packed the first week and empty two weeks later. Choose differently.

Crocs Changed My Life

Over the holidays I got an interesting present. My oldest son had been telling me for a while that I needed to start wearing Crocs. “Dad, they’ll change your life.”

That’s a big promise. And I’m a slow adopter. I told him, “Why would I want to wear Crocs? I don’t want to look like a pilgrim.”

So on Christmas morning, he gave me a pair. Not just any Crocs: urban camo Crocs, so I can be stealthy everywhere. You can’t even see my feet.

“I’m not wearing these. They’re ugly.”

“You have to. It’s a Christmas present.” The guilt. So I wore them, with socks, because it was cold. (Is that allowed? You can tell me later.) I wore them to the grocery store. I didn’t know you’re supposed to flip the strap behind your heel for “sport mode.” I was new.

I got to my son’s house, and he asked, “You got your Crocs on?” I said, “Nobody made fun of me, so I guess it’s a start.”

We were hanging out in his garage, where he has a pool table, and those little nubs on the soles started massaging my feet. I walked around the pool table and thought, I think I feel my life changing.

I became a Croc fan. And my son said, “See what happens when you try something new? My brother and I have another gift for you. But you have to wait until tomorrow.”

The next day, my younger son, who has a 3D printer, gave me attachments for my Crocs: a little snowplow for the front and a salt spreader for the back. Midwest Crocs. Now I can clear the neighborhood and salt the driveway.

So not only did I try something new and like it, I actually became more useful. Who knew a pair of Crocs could do all that?

Some of you need to think about your choices like that.

From “I Should” to “I Will”

Some of you need to stop doing something. I don’t know what it is, but you do. Maybe you’ve tried to stop for a long time and keep failing. Some things, like long-term addictions, really do need professional help and counseling. Please get it.

But a lot of the time, we plan to fail. We decide we’ll avoid temptation, when what we need to do is eliminate it. Build your life so it’s structured to succeed, so that in a weak moment, the thing that’s held you back for years isn’t even within reach.

Others of you need to start doing something. You’ve known it for a long time, but you’ve never moved from I should to I will.

When you start with “I should” or even “I want,” it often ends with “I won’t” and “I didn’t.”

Seek the Lord, Build Your Life

Near the end of King David’s life, he was getting ready to hand the kingdom to his son Solomon. I relate to this stage of David’s life.

Here’s how I think about parenting. In the first stage, I walk in front of my sons. They have their own relationship with God, but I want them to see me following the Lord and to follow me. In the second stage, we walk side by side, encouraging each other, learning from each other. Sometimes they slip behind, and sometimes I do. In the last stage, they pass me. I step back and walk behind them, supporting them and making sure they succeed and become better men than me in every way. Not by nitpicking or criticizing, but by encouraging, praying and living life with them.

David was getting ready to step back. The one thing he wanted most, to build a temple for God, God had told him he couldn’t do. It would be Solomon’s job. It broke David’s heart. But he said, in effect, Solomon’s going to succeed where I couldn’t.

So David gathered the leaders of Israel and gave them a charge:

The second half of that verse was for them, in their time: build the temple and bring in the ark. But the first half is for you and me. Devote your heart and soul to seeking the Lord. Then build your life accordingly.

Seek the Lord, build your life. Seek the Lord, build your life.

Costco, Not Adidas

You need both motivation and discipline. But motivation comes first.

I often meet people for coffee near my gym, so I’m usually still in my workout clothes. Walking back to the car one day, a friend said, “You’ve got Adidas pants. And an Adidas shirt. And an Adidas jacket. You must really like Adidas.”

I said, “No. I really like Costco. That’s where I buy my workout clothes.” If Costco had carried Nike or Puma that day, that’s what I’d have been wearing. The brand didn’t matter. The principle was Costco.

Commit your heart to the big principle. The details will follow.

My principle is I will seek the Lord in everything I do: in my relationships, my body, my money and my walk with God. That principle shapes my goals and lines up my priorities.

On the first day of the year, my wife, Joy, and I went to the gym and posted a picture. You might think, Wow, they’re so disciplined. Maybe. But the truth is, you might hate the gym. The gym isn’t the point. It’s just how we carry out the goal: staying fit so we can stay useful to the Lord. Find what motivates you. You’re building your life, not somebody else’s.

What It Looks Like

Relationally, my number one goal is to help fix what’s broken: what I broke, what’s broken in someone else, and what God wants to repair. I want to encourage, add value and be useful. But I’m not that way by nature. I can coast and just expect people to know what I think. So I make a plan, starting with the people closest to me.

First, my wife. My goal is to love her the way she deserves to be loved, as a daughter of God entrusted to me for life. When I look back at the ways I’ve failed, instead of saying, I failed, I ask, What steps will I take to be the best husband I can be?

Next, my adult kids and daughters-in-law. Here’s a confession: if I don’t set reminders on my phone, I don’t follow through. So I have reminders that pop up and tell me to encourage my kids.

Not long ago, a reminder popped up for one of my daughters-in-law. I know, it sounds artificial. You need a reminder to encourage someone? I’m telling you how basic I am. But because I know the reminders are coming, I watch my kids’ lives, not to critique them but to find things to encourage.

What I’d noticed was what a great mom she is. I remembered how insecure we felt as young parents, and how sensitive we were when grandparents got a little too involved. So I opened my phone and sent her $15 with a note: “I just want you to know you’re an amazing mom, and I’m proud of you.” Send.

It was easy. But it took intention and discipline. It came from my motivation: seek God in everything, and build my life around that. I got to check the box on my reminder. But think about what it did for her.

Who are the people closest to you? Are you just expecting them to know?

Physically, not everyone is motivated the same way, and plenty of gym memberships go unused after two weeks. The goal is a body that lasts, so we can keep being useful to the Lord as we age. Disease and accidents happen, and they’re not our fault. But researchers say there are three things people lie to themselves about: how much they drink, how much they eat and how much they exercise. Fitness isn’t about vanity. It’s about health, energy and usefulness. When we don’t take care of ourselves, we’re writing checks we expect our kids to cash.

Financially, I don’t want you to scrape together a little extra to kick to the church. I want you to become a person who gives generously and freely, and to experience the freedom that comes from trusting God first. Jesus talked about money a lot. Want to know where your heart is? Look at where your money goes.

Spiritually, I want you to be alive. I want it to be real, with a joy in your walk with God that motivates everything else. That’s your Costco. And some days you’ll just need discipline, because you’ll want to quit. That’s when you go back to Paul:

• My goals line up with Scripture.
• I’m going about them as a person of faith.
• I’m trusting God for the power to follow through.
• Above all, I want Jesus honored in me.

You Won’t Recognize Yourself

You don’t have to do everything at once. Just grab one or two things God puts on your heart. If you lean in and listen to him, you’re going to change. You’re going to grow. A year from now, you won’t recognize yourself, and neither will the people closest to you, in the best possible way.

Put moderation in the rearview mirror.

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Scripture quotations taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.