Week 2 · 1 Corinthians 13:4
Not Envious, Not Boastful,
Not Proud
Pride is what you become.
Read First
I’ll go first and confess my envy. I am jealous of women. Not for the reason you think. I’m jealous because you get to carry purses.
Think about it. Phone, keys, wallet, glasses, charger, gum, a pen, a granola bar, the receipt you might need someday. Ladies, you have a place for all of it, and nobody looks at you twice. I have pockets. And my pockets are full.
Now, I’m a bag collector. I love a good bag. Backpacks, briefcases, travel bags, I’ve got them. But a man purse? Culturally, for me, that’s a stretch. I just can’t pull it off. I’ve tried. I still need a place to put my stuff, and every time I see a woman reach into her purse and pull out exactly what she needs, I feel a little twinge.
That’s funny, and it’s harmless. But that little twinge, why does she get that and I don’t?, is the same seed that kept a grown man standing outside his own family’s party in one of the most famous stories Jesus ever told. This week we’ll look at three things Paul says love doesn’t do. They never travel alone. Want it. Got it. Flaunt it.
This Week’s Greek
To envy. Where we get “zeal.” A boiling desire for what someone else has.
To brag, to be a windbag. It appears only once in the New Testament: here.
To be puffed up, like a balloon. Big on the outside, air on the inside.
Your week
Week 2 · Monday
Are You Envious Because I Am Generous?
Read Matthew 20:1–16, then James 3:13–18
Say
- List the times of day the landowner hires workers. What did he promise the first group? What did he promise the others?
- In verses 11–12, what exactly do the first workers complain about? Were they cheated?
Mean
- Read verse 15 slowly. The NIV says, “Are you envious because I am generous?” The older translations say, “Is your eye evil because I am good?” What does envy do to the way we see God’s goodness to other people?
- James 3:14–16 traces where envy leads. What words does James use for it, and what does he say grows from it?
Live
- Envy isn’t just wanting things. It’s wanting what she has. Women often envy things we’d never say out loud: a marriage, a body, a calling, children, a friendship, a peaceful home, the way people light up when she walks in. What is your “purse,” something harmless you envy? What is something not so harmless?
My wife and I work out together, but I think we go for slightly different reasons. This week she was on the bench doing a set of dumbbell presses, and the whole time she was talking to me. “Don’t forget we have to take the trash out tonight, and then we have to stop at Hy-Vee on the way home, and then we have to call the kids…” The entire set. I didn’t say anything, because whatever she’s doing is clearly working. She must have the secret, and I don’t.
When she finished, I asked, “How was it?” She laughed. “Hee hee, it was fun.” That’s my purse-level envy. Harmless. But it’s the same seed.
My Notes
Week 2 · Tuesday
If I Can’t Have It, Neither Can You
Read 1 Kings 3:16–28, Genesis 37:3–11, 18–28 and Matthew 27:15–18
Say
- In 1 Kings 3, what does each woman say when Solomon offers to divide the baby? What does each answer reveal about her heart?
- In Genesis 37, list what fed the brothers’ envy (verses 3–4, 5–8, 11). Where did it lead?
Mean
- Envy has two halves. The first says, I want what you have. The second says, If I can’t have it, I don’t want you to have it either. Where do you see each half in these three stories?
- In Matthew 27:18, Pilate knew why the leaders handed Jesus over. The NIV says “self-interest,” but the Greek word is envy. Why would religious leaders envy Jesus? What did he have that they wanted?
Live
- The second half of envy is quiet. It sounds like a little relief when someone else’s plans fall through, or a “bless her heart” with an edge. Be honest: have you ever felt a little glad when someone else didn’t get what she wanted? What was underneath it?
My Notes
Week 2 · Wednesday
What Do You Have That You Did Not Receive?
Read 1 Corinthians 4:6–7, 18–19; 8:1; Philippians 2:3–8; James 4:6–10
Say
- Paul uses the word for “puffed up” six times in 1 Corinthians, and five come before chapter 13. From 4:6, 4:18–19 and 8:1, what were the Corinthians puffed up about?
- Write out Paul’s three questions in 1 Corinthians 4:7.
Mean
- In Philippians 2:5–8, list each step Jesus took downward. How is that the opposite of being puffed up?
- James 4:6 says God opposes the proud. Verse 10 says who does the lifting. Why is it a relief that lifting us up is God’s job, not ours?
Live
- Bragging is rarely loud. It can sound like a humble complaint, a carefully chosen photo, or a story that somehow always comes back to us. Where are you most tempted to “dress the part,” to look more put-together than you are?
- Answer Paul’s question for yourself. List five things you have that you did not earn.
My wife and I were on our way to Hy-Vee one afternoon. I turned west into the setting sun, and it was pouring through the windshield of the truck. My wife said, “Stop. You have to stop.” (I don’t know if you ladies do this, but whenever she wants me to stop, she puts her hand up like a cat and grabs the door handle.) “Stop!”
“What are you talking about? I’m fine.” I had my Maui Jim sunglasses on. I also have a creation called a sun visor. “Stop! I can’t see where we’re going!”
So I said to her, as nicely as I possibly could, “You don’t need to see. I can see. I can park. I drive. You ride.” She didn’t like it. I liked it a lot. That’s what puffed up sounds like.
My Notes
Week 2 · Thursday
Everything I Have Is Yours
Read Luke 15:11–32, then Ephesians 2:8–10
Say
- In verses 28–30, what does the older brother do, and what does he say? Notice what he calls his brother. Why does that matter?
- What does the father do in verse 28? What two things does he say in verse 31?
Mean
- The older brother was envious of a young goat while standing on a ranch that already belonged to him. How does envy make us forget what we already have?
- Ephesians 2:9 says we are saved by grace “so that no one can boast.” Verse 10 calls us God’s handiwork, his masterpiece. If you are God’s masterpiece, how does that change the way you look at another woman’s gifts?
Live
- Jesus ends the story without telling us whether the older brother went in. Whose good news do you need to celebrate, even if part of you would rather stay out in the field with your arms crossed?
My Notes
Week 2 · Friday
Love on Purpose
Think of the women in your life: sisters, friends, neighbors, coworkers, other moms, women at church. Write up to six names, including at least one woman you have quietly compared yourself to.
Your Challenge
Rejoice. Read Romans 12:15. Circle one name. Before group meets, celebrate her out loud with a note, a text, a call or a small gift, especially for something you wish you had.
Ask. Ask someone close to you, “Where do you see envy, bragging or pride in me?” Don’t defend yourself. Just say thank you. If you need to make something right, use the APOLOGY on the next page.
What Happened?
Pray
Father, thank you that everything I have is a gift from you. Forgive me for the times I’ve stood outside the party, keeping score and wanting what you gave someone else, while everything you have was already mine. Let the air out of my pride. Make me a woman who rejoices when others rejoice and who brags only about you. Thank you that the ground is level at the foot of the cross. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Week 2 · Friday
When You Get It Wrong
Envy, bragging and pride hurt the people closest to us first. Jesus said, “Love each other as I have loved you” (John 15:12). When we don’t, we make it right. Two things to remember: an apology doesn’t have to be accepted to be right, and when someone really owns it, let it be over.
An APOLOGY
Go Deeper · optional
- Read Psalm 73. Asaph envied people who seemed to have it easy. What changed his perspective (verses 16–17, 23–26)?
- Read Philippians 4:11–13. Paul says contentment is something he learned. How might you practice it this week?
- Read 1 Peter 5:5–6. What does it look like to be “clothed with humility” with the women around you?
- Read Jeremiah 9:23–24. If you’re going to boast, what does God say to boast about?
My Notes
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